I'M OVER ALL THE OVERALLS.
There. Its been said. Overalls need to get out of town. Literally.
Overalls are to be worn in two cases.
#1) In the country on the farm on the tractor.
#2) In the privacy of your own home when it is laundry day and there is no other thing left to wear.
Actually, I'd like to amend these rules with #2 now to read as:
#2) Actually, there should be no other usage for overalls except for farmers as that is why medical scrubs and soccer shorts exist. To be worn while it is laundry day.
Overalls need to be relegated to out of town in the country where one spends the day farming, working with animals or doing tractor mechanic work.
It's as if the overall is a horrendous denim version of the sexy catsuit. Maybe having come into existence to make the farmer's wife feel a bit frisky when she no longer could pull off the catsuit. And then sooner or later adopted by the man once he realized that, "heck naw, i cain't be lettin' the woman wear the pants on this fine piece of bottom land. she bes' know whos the boss." (thus giving rise to our being forced to watch "Who's the Boss" with Tony Danza AND the reruns forever but THAT'S another story entirely and i digress. read onward...)
It is impossible to dress up overalls. For that matter, its impossible to dress down overalls. And that my friends, is the saddest part of all.
What can be worn with overalls?
T-shirt? Button down? Flannel? Boots? Flip Flops? Wing tips? Loafers? Gloves? Sunglasses? Neck tie? Ascot? Smoking jacket? Polo shirt? Blazer?!
I daresay the answer is nothing. Nothing can be worn to dress up or to further remove overalls as a more ridiculous piece of clothing. God save us to see someone in overalls with a button-down french-cuff shirt and a two-button charcoal blazer.
Remember when people would leave one strap of the overalls undone? This might have been an unfortunate attempt at a fashion statement similar to the tight-rolled pants in the 80's. But one really only succeeds in looking even white trashier because it would imply that not only did the person wake up and make the conscious decision to wear overalls but that they ran out of wits to even complete the full donning of the unfortunate apparel.
And overall shorts. Wow. What brilliant fashion plate came up with overall shorts. If the full-length overalls are a descendant of the catsuit, it would seem that the overall shorts are a horrendous denim version of the sexy bodysuit.
Not Just For Rednecks Anymore?Every college girl has owned a pair. Every college girl should go out and buy a new pair of overall shorts and burn them as a penance for having spent any time in this most unfortunate misuse of fabric.
How troublesome is it that the same material that is used for overalls is also the same fabric that provides the basis for some of our most enduring, versatile - nay, sexy even - pieces of clothing - blue jeans. ANY pair of blue jeans is advantageous over spending hard earned money on overalls of any description - even those overalls that are made in non-denim fabric. Yes, ANY pair of blue jeans. Even a blue light special pair of mom-jeans at world famous K or Wal Mart (Costco even has had some horrible blue jeans on their sales tables these days) is better than a pair of overalls. Heck, you would even be justified in not matching your shoes to your belt if you had made the proper decision to purchase a cheap pair of blue jeans over a pair of overalls. Because in this case, any shirt would go with the jeans - and one out of two ain't bad.
On September 8, 2009, a search for the term "overalls" on Google returns a horrendous number of 4,170,000 results. They are clearly part of the problem, Google that is, as Google has become the standard for internet searching. We must contact Google in a massive way and request that they end the brainwashing and perpetration of this mass marketing onto our people group as a whole.
On October 10, 2005, "Us" magazine even dedicated a full page spread in their "Fashion Police" section to the celebrities that were unfortunately caught in overalls - celebrities including the following:
- Halle Berry
- Fergie (Blackeyed Peas)
- Chloe Sevigny
- Kate Winslet
- Donald Trump (although he gets a pass because he was purposely wearing them as a joke, the others actually made conscious decisions to wear them in public)
Clearly even the most "fashionable" of our society (or those who are expected to be) have their weaknesses and drawbacks.
May God help us overcome the overalls.